Jingle Bells, Batman Smells
by Amazing Michelle-Man
Summary: You know the kid's version of Jingle Bells? Well here's the story behind it, with the Batman show from the 60s! Lots of fun with that campy, cheesy, and slighty creeper-ish Batman we all know and love: ADAM WEST!


**YESSSS!** **Batman from the 60s!!!!** You know, that really campy, slightly creeper Batman where every time they hit someone, a word appears, like, POW, ZAP, BOOM, SOCK, and other such onomatopoeia, the cool bat theme song (nananananananananana…BATMAN!!!), and where Robin has his weird sayings like Holey…Batman, with a word in between that describes their situation. And who can forget those awesome tights they wear! Oh yea!! :D I LOVE that show, it's so hilarious. XD

Well, this is like, four one-shots to the kids version of the song, Jingle Bells (you know you all sang it as a kid). I was singing it at lunch one day to bother my friends and thought it would be cool to write a story about it. Yay!

**P.S.** Sorry it's in the comics section for Batman, but the 60s show doesn't have its own section (curse you FanFiction!) so I figured you guys would appreciate it more then the TV shows crossover gang (it's all Jonas Brother stuff, yuck).

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Batman, but I wish I did 'cause that show is AWE-MAZING. *sigh* I love Adam West.

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**Jingle bells**

**Batman smells**

"I say, Master Bruce, do you smell something?"

"What kind of a something, Alfred?"

"I am not sure…but it most certainly is _not_ pleasant."

Dick Grayson walked into the room, his nose scrunched. "What's that awful smell?"

"Precisely what I was just trying to find out Master Dick."

"I'm telling you two, I don't smell anything." As Bruce said that, the three of them got up and walked around the study room, trying to locate the source of the mysterious aroma. Dick was behind Bruce when he turned around and noticed where it was coming from. He motioned to the butler and they both smelt the man behind his back and gave each other a look. Batman had forgotten to shower…again.

**Robin laid an egg**

"Golly, Batman, do I have to do this?"

"Of course, Robin, you see, without dedication there is no responsibility gained."

"Gosh yes, Batman, I understand that, but this is ridiculous!"

The dynamic duo were in the Batcave, Robin sitting on a special contraption, clearly labeled 'Bat Incubator', and squatting on a large egg, his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees with a frown on his face.

"I hope you understand the importance of abstinence before marriage now as I have always stressed, old chum."

The Boy Wonder sighed. "Yes, Batman, I understand." He snapped his fingers irritably, "But how could this happen, Batman? How is this even humanly possible?!"

"Nothing is impossible when dealing with criminals, Robin, remember that. But I believe that it all has to do with the gas the Joker sprayed on us when we were stopping him from taking over all the hot dog stands in Gotham City, remember Robin?

"Holy seahorse! How could we be lured so easily into a trap as simple as that, Batman?"

"We must not blame ourselves, old friend, for the mind of a convict is always tricking the righteous where the righteous can not do anything."

"Gosh, yes, Batman, you're right again."

**Batmobile lost a wheel**

"Well it has got to be somewhere!"

"Good point, Robin, and we shall keep looking until the missing piece to this deadly crime is found!"

The caped crusaders circled the Batmobile twice more, contemplating on how a wheel could have been lost on their vehicle while they were driving.

"How can we continue to fight those devious villains without the Batmobile, Batman?"

"We shall just have to make due while I order another bullet-proof, laser impenetrable, all weather, non-hydroplaning, high speed, heavy duty, energy saving, black tire from our local muffler."

"Holy Goodyear, Batman."

"Actually, Robin, I have a discount at Michelin."

**And Joker did ballet**

**HEY!**

"You have got to be joking… pulling a fast one on the king Joker himself!"

"This is no joke, Joker. You committed a crime and now you must pay for it."

"But court ordered Ballet classes, Batman? You can't do this to me! What about my reputation as a criminal, what about my dignity? Would you, the most highly adored man in Gotham City, allow such a horrendous act to take place as it is now?"

"I am sorry, Joker, but maybe a few lessons on strength and endurance will teach you that crime is not that it's all _danced _up to be!"

Batman, the Boy Wonder, Commissioner Gordon, and Chief O'Hara laughed at his _wonderful_ pun as the Joker was taken out of the room with a miserable frown on his painted clown face.

**Jingle bells**

**Batman smells**

"What ever the two of you thought you smelt, is gone now." Alfred and Dick looked nervously at Bruce, their noses plugged.

"Well, golly Bruce, see…it's you." The Boy Wonder stuttered.

"What are you talking about, Dick; of course it's not me! I just took a bath…uh…well…" The man lifted his arm and smelled underneath it, making a face to prove their suspicions correct.

"I'll go get some soap, Master Bruce."

"And I'll get you a clean towel. Golly, I can smell my own nose hairs burning!"

**Robin laid an egg**

"Batman! Batman, come quick! I think its hatching!"

"So it is, Robin, so it is." Robin stepped off the table and the Dynamic Duo leaned over the massive egg to watch the cracks slowly forming. "Now is the moment of truth, Robin, we can now know _exactly_ what this is."

"Holy motherhood, Batman, I don't think I'm ready for this!"

"Just stay calm, Robin, I'm here for you."

"Thank you, Batman."

"You're welcome, Robin."

A very large robin poked its head out of the eggshell, and made small cooing noises for attention. Batman wiped off the remaining shell, and picked it up, looked at it and said, "Congratulations, Robin, it's a boy!"

The Boy Wonder took the baby bird, now wrapped in a blanket, and held it close. "It's…it's beautiful, Batman!" He wiped a tear from his eye. "This is the happiest day of my life!"

"I'm so proud of you, Robin."

"But Batman, how could you tell it was a boy?"

"In my youth, I took a four-year study on the American robin, Robin."

**Bat mobile lost a wheel**

"You say you're out of bullet-proof, laser impenetrable, all weather, non-hydroplaning, high speed, heavy duty, energy saving, black tires? How can that be possible? Oh, I see. No, that will be fine, thank you." Batman hung up the phone and sighed.

"What's the matter, Batman?"

"It seems that the Batmobile will have to wait a few days while the new tire is ordered, Robin."

"Holy DMV, Batman! What will we do?!"

"Just wait, Robin. It's all we can do. Wait and hope that the evils of the world will stay silent and wait for us until we are able to chase them down in our prodigious Criminal Cruiser."

**And Joker got away**

**HEY!**

"Alright class, now we will do a brisé with a double plié. Then go into a three minute fouetté and stopping in the fifth position. Then three grand jetés across the room, a few pas de bourrées, then a pas de valse, two petit sauts, and a pirouette. For the finale, there will be another plié with some port de bras, a rond de jambe, step hop and run, ending in a sickle. Everyone got that? Good. Begin!"

The dance instructor watched as her group of delinquent dancers struggled to follow her orders, but she focused on one convict in particular. His moves were graceful, his feet moving beautifully, his arms swaying to the music. When he had gone through the routine perfectly, the teacher called him over and said, "Jack, you are such a gifted dancer. Where did you learn how to move like that?"

The man gave his signature smile and replied, "I took a class or two in my youth."

"Well gee, those classes worked wonders on you! I think I'll move you up to my super advanced expert's class!"

"That would be marvelous! If only I were staying."

"What do you-" The Joker bopped her on the top of her head, not nearly hard enough to knock her unconscious, but she fell over nonetheless. He then continued to walk out the door, spraying the gas he had mysteriously smuggled in due to underpaid prison guards who somehow managed to become a guard when they were ex-cons themselves, over all the men before him who proceeded to fall unconscious before the gas had seemingly come close enough for them to breathe in. Laughing wildly at every man who approached him, he finally ran through the front door of the prison, coming across no locked doors to stop him, not even the gate going around the jail that was complete with electric wire, security cameras, and super sensitive motion sensors. It was unlocked due to the underpaid security guards with no life other then to accept money from convicts who mysteriously had large sums of money even though that was never explained.

"Hee hee, ho ho, and a ha to go along with it!" The Joker jumped into a car that had been waiting as if knowing exactly when he would immerge, full of random convicts with weird names who continued to serve the Joker even though they were arrested each time the Joker pulled off his crazed plots to rule Gotham City (and later the world) and somehow escaped with absolutely no explanation either, but they drove off towards Gotham City to plot their revenge against the Dynamic Duo.

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**Yay! That was exciting, I know. Oh, before I forget, the line, "I can smell my own nose hairs burning!" technically isn't mine. It's from this weird Christmas movie where the one dude lights up this SUPER bright Christmas tree and they all stare at it and the kid is like, "I can smell my eyes burning!" So, yeah, not mine. It was funny though. I had a lot of fun writing this but I kept cracking up imagining Adam West (Batman)'s slow, creeper voice saying the lines, XD.**


End file.
